Welcome to the armpit of America, where the air is a lukewarm soup and "seasonal wardrobe" just means picking a different color of damp t-shirt. It’s a place where the mosquitoes have flight plans and the alligators have more legal rights than the tourists. Between the "Florida Man" headlines that defy the laws of physics and the Louisiana locals who think "moderation" is a type of hot sauce, you’re basically living in a giant, moss-covered Crock-Pot. If the mold doesn’t get you, a "Bless your heart" from a woman in a sunhat surely will—and trust us, it’s not a compliment.