{"product_id":"this-is-why-i-m-not-allowed-places-tee","title":"\"This Is Why I’m Not Allowed Places\" Men's Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOne star on Yelp, five stars in person.\u003c\/strong\u003e We’ve all been there—the \"incident\" at the tiki bar, the bonfire that got a little too ambitious, or the time the Coast Guard had to get involved. This shirt isn’t just apparel; it’s a rap sheet. It’s for the guy who is the life of the party until he’s officially the reason the party is over. If you don't have a \"No Fly\" list for at least three shoreline dives, are you even living?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe Salty Specs:\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe \"Warning\" Front: An understated chest hit that acts as a subtle disclaimer for anyone standing in line behind you.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe \"Evidence\" Back: A high-definition, weathered illustration of a tiki shack engulfed in flames—a glowing tribute to your lack of impulse control—captioned with the ultimate truth: “This is Why I’m Not Allowed Places.”\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSalt-Soaked Fabric: Heavyweight, garment-dyed cotton that feels like it’s been curing in a tackle box for a decade. It’s rugged, soft, and hides the scars of a rough night.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eVintage Wash: The garment-dye process ensures that no two shirts look the same, much like no two of your stories ever quite add up.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhen to wear it: Throw this on for the first night at a new beach town (before they recognize you), late-night pier hangs, or any situation where you’re likely to repeat history. It looks better with a bit of sun-bleach and a lot of \"I can explain.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThey can revoke your membership, but they can't take the shirt.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- 100% ring-spun US cotton for durable, comfortable wear\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Garment-dyed finish for a soft, vintage look and unique color depth\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Heavyweight 6.1 oz fabric with relaxed fit and pre-shrunk construction\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Double-needle stitching and tubular (no side seams) construction for long-lasting shape\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Available S–4XL with sewn-in label and high print detail retention\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Do not bleach\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eEU representative\u003c\/strong\u003e: HONSON VENTURES LIMITED, gpsr@honsonventures.com, 3, Gnaftis House flat 102, Limassol, Mesa Geitonia, 4003, CY\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct information\u003c\/strong\u003e: Comfort Colors® 1717, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999\/44\/EC\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWarnings, Hazard\u003c\/strong\u003e: Made in Honduras\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e: Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), Do not bleach, Tumble dry: low heat, Iron, steam or dry: low heat, Do not dryclean\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":50629358715166,"sku":"33759959202253080133","price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blue Jean \/ S","offer_id":50629358747934,"sku":"37809047601086436833","price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":50629358846238,"sku":"28815970364823899357","price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blue Jean \/ M","offer_id":50629358879006,"sku":"42522639196252220546","price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":50629358944542,"sku":"84000504225648693785","price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blue Jean \/ L","offer_id":50629358977310,"sku":"20694701237167637125","price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ L","offer_id":51927598432542,"sku":"31365260294722756097","price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":50629359042846,"sku":"75410655541699402661","price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blue Jean \/ XL","offer_id":50629359075614,"sku":"23330729420280333228","price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ XL","offer_id":51927598465310,"sku":"99654906172688872640","price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":50629359173918,"sku":"21529229458112064900","price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blue Jean \/ 2XL","offer_id":50629359206686,"sku":"19658474745338380872","price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ 2XL","offer_id":51927598498078,"sku":"22327517036254628043","price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ 3XL","offer_id":51927598530846,"sku":"29147792139268326909","price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":50629359304990,"sku":"26281610079767408190","price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0971\/1013\/0974\/files\/2456868874972155112_2048.jpg?v=1780674090","url":"https:\/\/asaltybeachclothingco.com\/products\/this-is-why-i-m-not-allowed-places-tee","provider":"A Salty Beach Clothing Co.","version":"1.0","type":"link"}